APRIL

Smelling the flowers.  The Mrs is trying to educate me as to what smells nice in the hope that I can improve my hygiene which will in turn improve my aroma.  The Boss thinks she is far too fussy and he says my aroma is fine. 

This aroma teaching thing could take a while because there are a lot of flowers blooming as the garden is bursting into flower due to the sunny days we have been having.  The grass has also been cut and I am discovering where a lot of my toys have been hiding in the secret corners of the garden.  I have taken to rolling on the newly cut grass to get that lovely mown grass smell into my coat. 

My coat….that’s another minor thing the Mrs keeps on about.   As soon as the sun came out my coat seems to be diminishing, in fact much of it is coating the floor instead of me.  That noisy suction machine which the Mrs loves so much follows me around nearly every day pinching all my fur.  I have to vacate the room in search of a safe haven in case I eventually disappear inside it.  Goodness knows what it wants all my fur for…..it will soon have the same aroma as me, he he.

 

NOVEMBER 2024

No I am not begging, that is not allowed – I am merely waiting patiently for the Mrs to cut the rind off her cheese.  For some reason she does not eat that part and as a special treat I am allowed to be the chief taster…..

I am sitting on the wall that the Boss built around the new front patio and it is just the right level to view the table top which holds the cheese along with the rest of the lunch. The Mrs continually tries to train me to say cheese but so far the lips, larynx and tongue do not cooperate for it to be pronounced by me, but the word is well known in my mind.  I fact sometimes at lunch time I cannot get the word cheese out of my mind until the rind is removed and donated.

There are other words that I know which I have to obey like “Come”, “Sit”, “No” “Bed” “Lay Down”, “Stay”.  There are also words which the Mrs uses with a sniff…..“Stinky” is one of them and when uttered I have to quietly leave the room until the Boss calls me back and says I don’t!!  He is worried I may get a phobia so I know I am good for a pat and a stroke from him if the stinky word comes out!

The Boss and Mrs use many, many words between themselves and sometimes I catch on to what is being discussed but mostly with my limited vocabulary my instinct kicks in and I do what dogs do – eat, sleep and enjoy life, especially when “Cheese” is on the scene.

 

MAY 2024

Water, water everywhere.  Even I, who never really minds being outside in the rain or plunging into water of any temperature, have found the continuous downpour a bit much.  The grounds are really squelchy and the lake is overflowing on the spillway like Niagara Falls. The Boss and the Mrs decline to venture outside much in the inclement weather as do all the other members of this tiny hamlet where I spend my holidays.  Not another dog in sight and only cows that brave the rain and stare at me from the other side of the fence.

The upside is I can lie beside the roaring fire and toast my tummy, occasionally rolling over to warm the other side some warmth.  Alas among the good things in life there is always a situation that doesn't go to plan.....dinner time.  I have been relaxing with the Boss in front of the fire enjoying the heat but now I want him to wake up and open the door so i can retrieve my dinner bowl from the rain-soaked garden.  My tummy is telling me it is time for my dinner, but his eyes are still closed and his breathing too even for him to be aware of my hunger and the Mrs is not around to give him a nudge so I have no alternative but to gently lean on his foot to bring him back to awareness of my plight and have patience to wait for his tummy to tell him the same as mine.

 

April 2024

I was warned last month that I would have to smarten up my overall approach to personal hygiene and grooming if I was going to be allowed to travel in my newest mode of transport.  One in which there is no dividing walls between me and the drivers, ie: the Boss and the Mrs.  The Mrs especially is keen for my perfume to change and today I was given a very different and special “treat” which the Mrs told me that I would love and that it might become a regular thing in the future. . . . . Yes I have been “Spa’ed”.  No I have not spelt that wrongly, I am still completely whole, in case you were wondering…..

In total ignorance of what was afoot I was quite excited when she suggested I get into the back of her vehicle, something which I am seldom allowed to do, and off we went towards the big green expanse with holes, bunkers and flags where I know the Boss plays with small white balls but which I am not allowed to experience, despite my two favourite things being participated in – walking and retrieving balls.  However we stopped short of anticipated recreation and I was delivered into the hands of a delightful young lady who seemed very pleased to see me while the Mrs left me there and dissappeared with a look of relief.

Well, what can I tell you!  By the time the Mrs returned an hour later with a slightly worried but expectant look on her face I had been shampooed, combed, trimmed, pedicured, cleaned, blown dry and totally groomed to within an inch of my life.  Despite losing a significant amount of my fur coat and having a completely new perfume around my person I am strangely quite pleased with my new look. I feel very precious now as you can see from the photo where I am showing off my newly trimmed nails.  I point blank refused to have them painted………

Perfect Pooch Grooming, SSJ 

November 2023

I may look a bit hangdog but I am relieved we can resume our normal walks and I am allowed to chew Teddy again.  We have spent the last few walks stopping at every sign post and tying signs to it, followed by untying them all again after the weekend.  All I want to do is have a good sniff and see if it is a suitable place to leave my leg lifting messages but the Mrs make me sit and wait till she has finished her mission. 

I had a bit of trouble last week when the Mrs found one of her paint brushes with a heavily chewed end.  Honestly I didn’t realise it was not for chewing, it being a a long stick with hair at one end, howeveer once found, I was in big trouble and Teddy was confiscated for a few days until I repented and helped her tie her art notices around the village.

At the weekend the house suddenly became very bare with all paintings removed.  I wondered if, in my shame, she had taken my portrait down as well but it was a relief to see it still hanging.  The miniatures came with many cakes and the Boss couldn’t believe his luck on viewing all the delicious confectionery delivered from many kind people.  I thought I might be in for a feast but unfortunately for me it was all, along with the paintings, transported to the Village Hall. I was a little peeved when the Boss explained to me, while dishing out my kibble, that the cakes had all been eaten and there was none left for me.  Had the Mrs suddenly ditched her diet and devoured the lot?  But no….it was explained to me that they were all sold for charity.  The paintings did return though, minus a few, and the house is now back to normal.  Walks have resumed on a normal basis and Teddy has been returned so I can relax with him and search out some hairless sticks to chew….

Ps: The Mrs wants me to pass on her thanks for the support she and her friend Pat received at their art sale and is very happy to report that over £600 was raised for Wellington & Dummer Riding for the Disabled Association where one of the Miniatures goes every Saturday morning.

 

MAY 2023

Teddy!  Or what’s left of him…..he’s my buddy, my comfort and my playmate.  Getting thinner by the day he can be trailed all around the garden to play, returned to my kennel for snoozing with, or alternatively be left out in the rain to get a good soaking but whatever state he is in he never fails to be my friend.

Originally I believe he belonged to one of the elder of the miniatures but they never really bonded so when I came upon the scene Teddy was given to me.  He loves a good tussle but is also quite happy to have a good cuddle.

I have successfully removed most of his torso as his weight was a little on the heavy side especially when wet.  He never complained but when I first decided to reduce his circumference the Mrs was not pleased at having to comb the garden every so often collecting  bits of white fluff from every corner.  She considered it a mess whereas I thought it looked quite pretty. At first she tried to fatten Teddy up again by stuffing it back inside him and sewing him up but I was much more successful at reducing Teddy’s weight than the Mrs has ever been trying to reduce hers (a sore subject in this household) so she has now become resigned to Teddy’s  svelt form.  I have been threatened that if I remove any more from Teddy he will be unable to play with me anymore.  He does look a little deflated now so I have left his limbs in tact so that we can have a good game of hauling him round the garden but the Mrs has refused to allow me to invite him indoors as she says his aroma is worse than mine and he is for outdoor play only.  The Boss thinks I am a big baby for setting such store on a playmate when I have himself to entertain me but I like to keep my options open for when the Boss is ‘resting’ his eyes or training them on the square box indoors – then my Teddy is there, ready and waiting to play.

 

APRIL 2023

Isn’t it time for my walk yet????

I patiently wait for the Boss to complete his perusal of the daily news, finish his cup of coffee or his nap or whatever is stopping  him from taking me for my walk.

Patience is a virtue the Mrs tells me, not sure about virtue, I would prefer a rawhide “tue” any day.

Back to the daily walk - if the sun is shining there is never a problem.  Usually the Boss is as enthusiastic as me to get outside but if a few raindrops fall from the sky the story is oh so different.  He does not like the rain or grey days, you know the type - low cloud and dismal outlook - these are the days he disappears into his workshop and it’s a devil of a job to get him to come out.  I have perfected a few ploys to encourage him to spend time with me.  These include fetching my ball and dropping it at his feet while looking encouragingly into his eyes and wagging my tail.  Another is standing direcly in front of him and staring unblinkingly at him for long moments  of time or until the Mrs dissolves into giggles and says “I think Beau is trying to get your attention” - I can always rely on her for back up.  Finally I resort to touch as per this photo.  I can remain in this position for any length of time, occasionally changing paws, until the weight of my paw gets to him, making his foot ache, at which point and with encouragement from the Mrs he eventually gives in and I get to go on my walk.   Now that is patience…….

 

FEBRUARY 2023

I am waiting patiently for someone to play with me, trying to appear nonchalant as if I am not worried either way but, believe me, I will be ready in an instant, perfectly balanced to react to the slightest movement which may result in a good game.  The Mrs tiptoes carefully around me but I am keeping an eye on her.  The Boss ignores me as he has more important things on his mind.  I check to see if he is dressed in green or camouflage which means a really good day out when work is far more interesting than play but alas he is in his overalls which mean tinkering in the garage where I am allowed to watch but not help.  That leaves the Mrs and she is still pretending to ignore me but I know her game – she will suddenly swoop in and snatch my teething ring with a view to throwing it as far as she can so I can retrieve it for her to throw again...and again…and again….

Rest assured I will never tire of this game but she often does.  I live in hope that one day she will meet my exacting standards but exercise is not her favourite pastime, she is more into wielding brushes and sitting and gazing at the view to replicate it on paper, whereas I would prefer to run all over the countryside, sniffing, rolling, fetching and retrieving with the wind lifting my ears and if there is a bit of water around that’s all the better – I’m in and splashing about.  It’s a dog’s life but someone has to live it!

 

JANUARY 2023

Just chillin’.  I find this is sometimes the most comfortable position for lazing around and being playful but the only thing against it is that everyone else is upside down.  I like rolling about playing and in the summer, when it is really hot, it allows the cool air to get to my tummy.  I can adopt this prone position if I wish to ingratiate myself with the Boss.  It shows I trust him and would like him to give me a good tummy tickle which I love.

The Mrs always looks askance at me and would prefer me to be the correct way up and not displaying myself in such an uninhibited way. She believes certain bits of my undercarriage are undercover underneath for a good reason and should not be on display in such gay abandon.  However she too will laugh and give me a good tummy rub if I wriggle long enough in front of her. 

Sometimes the wriggling makes her nose wrinkle and I have learnt that this slight flaring of her nasal passages usually has significant repercussions for me and means a trip to the bathroom is in order with copious amounts of dog towels and shampoo.  Hence I am invited to jump into the white boat and suffer a good soaking with the shower and a foaming rub all over with bubbles.  After the final rinsing the Mrs can be quite mindful of my privacy and the shower curtain is pulled across concealing my presence.  Wondering why she has suddenly seen the need to give me a bit of private time in the bath I am seized with the sudden need to shake all the excess water from my fur.  At this point she is usually busy laying my towels out across the floor and when she feels I have had enough privacy and shaking she pulls the shower curtain back and I am invited to jump out onto the towels while she rubs my coat dry.  I love this part and help her by holding the towels in my mouth and rolling all over the place pulling the towels with me and getting in a right pickle.  This usually ends with yet another tummy rub but without the nose wrinkling which is always a good sign – peace and love.

 

April 2022

BEAUREGARD’S BLOG:    Since I last spoke to you I am feeling a lot more confident around the house and garden and the Boss says I have got a lot heavier.  He knows this as I sit on his lap most evenings watching the box on the wall while the Mrs complains about yet another repeat episode of Last of the Summer Wine.  The Boss smiles to himself while clutching the TV controller and I am content as long as he continues tickling my ears.

To keep me occupied I have also accumulated a number of toys, some of which I have been given, some found, and some which the Mrs confiscates because she says they are bits of the garden which should not be brought in doors.  They look like toys to me and I have great fun shredding, chewing and generally demolishing them, after which the Mrs descends upon me with dustpan and brush and I am persuaded to remove myself from indoors to outdoors.

This yellow ball was a found object in the garden but one the Mrs did not seem to mind me playing with.  The snapshot here is the first time I played with it and I found a hole in the top which seemed to blow air at me when I pushed it with my nose or tried to pick it up in my mouth.  I soon got the hang of the game but after a long play chasing it around the garden, grabbing , chewing and biting it as hard as I could, it changed into a flat pancake and lost the ability to roll.   The Boss watches with amusement as the Mrs saves the day each time this happens by finding a straw to fit into the hole and blows hard to return it to its original shape.  She says she is definitely not letting her chops touch it after mine have - hence the straw but once it is round again she is not averse to throwing it for me to fetch so that I can start the game all over again.  She said occasionally some things filled with hot air need to be gradually deflated and as the Boss is so keen on repeat episodes so the game goes on…

 

MARCH 2022

 

FEBRUARY 2022

Hello, may I introduce myself.  My name is Beauregard but as this is a bit of a mouthful for a small chap like me I have requested it be shortened to Beau.  You may have known Bert my late distant second cousin once removed whom I am told I greatly resemble.  In fact he is so removed that he is no longer here but I definitely get a faint feeling of his existence and the love that was felt for him which is a great comfort after leaving my own real parents.

I only came to live here a couple of weeks ago and am still investigating my new owners the Boss and Mrs, the extended family and also the house and garden.   Certain parts of the house are regarded as no go zones for me and in the accessible parts I have be accompanied at all times on account of my inability to completely control my bladder yet.   I only have to pose a certain way or move several feet from my last resting place to have either the Boss or the Mrs jumping up from their resting place, scrutinising my anatomy and undercarriage and accompanying me to the garden to see if I will perform.  If I can manage to squeeze out a drop or indeed spend a very large penny then praise if heaped upon my head and pats and cuddles are given with free abandon.  I think I am getting the hang of this as I do so enjoy being petted.  As for the other I think it’s a bit indelicate to go into too much information here but I will point out that each deposit is quickly disposed of, so much so that I can hardly remember where I last did it, however as long it is in the garden somewhere then the praise and cuddles are well worth it.

I have had my first visit to the vet and she gave me the needle, although I have to say I didn’t feel a thing but the Boss nearly passed out, apparently he doesn’t like needles.  I gave him a licky kiss and told him I was fine.  We wobbled out of the door and went straight home for a restorative bowl of puppy food and a stiff brandy (for him).