NOVEMBER 2022

I am guarding my ice cream cone.  I live in hope that one day it may well produce some tasty ice cream with a nice crisp biscuit cone but something tells me it will never happen.  This was a present from the Miniatures when I was a baby and was filled with frozen water to soothe my teething.  The Mrs has long since stopped filling it with frozen water and just lets me play with it empty.  It is one of the few things I treasure and have not chewed to destruction.

I have yet to learn how to share my toys….the Boss is teaching me to fetch vermin he has shot and I don’t mind giving that up as he seemed incredibly pleased with me when I recently retrieved and gave give him the pigeon he had shot.  I am not old enough yet to attend his game shoots as I get very excited when I meet other dogs and people and until I calm down a bit he says I am not in the right frame of mind to completely obey his commands or the commands of the Mrs.  I am still learning the correct etiquette when exposed to social situations but it is very hard when all I want to do is play.

The Mrs refuses to play fetch with me if I will not give up the ball – I must learn to share.  The Miniatures recently gave me a large round ball with two handles sticking out either side.  This was to instigate a pulling game but I found it a bit annoying as I couldn’t get the ball in my mouth so one evening when the Boss was engrossed in his ball playing sports on the TV and the Mrs was rolling her eyes ignoring the sport preferring to read her book, I chewed off the two handles so I could get the ball into my mouth easily.    I immediately took it to the Mrs to play.  She looked confused, not recognising my toy but then she spotted bits of red rubber all over the floor.  My plan to show I was learning to share backfired badly as she was very cross about what she considered to be a ruined toy despite my obvious joy in now being able to get the whole ball into my mouth.

The Boss was sympathetic as the ball was confiscated, the mess on the floor swept up and I was put to bed.   I will stick to ice cream in future. 
 

OCTOBER

I have been trained to “fetch my bowl” when it is feeding time.  The Mrs taught me this trick.  The trick is attached to another training session which started with the order to “stay”.  My bowl is filled with my favourite food, a pastime that is watched avidly by me and sometimes accompanied by a bit of dancing around on my part however once the bowl is full I then have to “sit” and “stay” in place while the Mrs walks around the garden deciding where to put my bowl.  I can’t say she exactly hides it but it is never in the same place twice……she makes it a game…..one which I am not always amused by!  Once she has placed the bowl to her satisfaction she returns to me – this can sometimes take up to five minutes if she is distracted by something else in the garden like a stray weed or a newly ripened raspberry.  She praises me for sitting and staying, even though she knows how much my stomach is desperate for food she makes sure I know she is pleased with me but I am not sure if she is aware of how impatient I am with her.  Once she is satisfied I have understood how good I am for staying she points to the bowl and says “find him” and I race around the garden following my nose until I come upon my food bowl full of yummy dinner. 

As her memory is nowhere near as good as mine she has now invented this new trick to “fetch my bowl” as she obviously can’t remember where she put it.  Hence I return carrying the bowl to be praised and patted which instigates the above feeding session.  I have however, been known to fetch my bowl on numerous odd occasions throughout the day in the hope of fooling her into doling out an interim feed.  This does not seem to work so her memory may not be as bad as I thought it was and there is no way I can fool the Boss as he is very strict with my feeding regime but I am a Labrador and always live in hope of receiving food……..

 

SEPTEMBER 2022

00h, there is nothing like a bit of plastic to spend a few hours sniffing, licking, chewing, biting, gnawing and generally destroying  and making all sorts of crackling noises with.  This one is my idea of heaven - Creme Fraiche!!  You couldn’t ask for a better one unless they do beef flavoured creme fraiche!  This photo is of my first taste so to speak…I spent a fair few minutes just holding it and savouring the feeling of what was to come before running around the garden showing off my prize.  The Mrs gave it to me but not before she had demolished most of the contents inside leaving me with just a lick and the excitement of a new toy to chew up.  The Mrs thinks this is cheaper than buying toys for me from the pet shop as I have already chewed or eaten three footballs, numerous tennis balls, several flower pots, the floating fountain from the fish pond, an electrical charging point for the Mrs phone, an uncountable number of logs, sticks, branches and off cuts from the wood shed;  removed the eyes, ears, ribbons, stuffing, and general insides of numerous soft toys including my own bed!

Apparently this is my teething period and I have been assured from the Boss that I will grow out of it but I am not sure I want to as it is great fun, especially creme fraiche.  Only time will tell!

AUGUST 2022

These are my footprints.  At first I thought there was an invisible canine friend following me everywhere.   Each time I turned around he disappeared!  Couldn’t make it out!  I became quite excited thinking I had a secret playmate.  My other ephemeral playmate  is also apparent in this picture……he only shows himself when the sun comes out, always darker than me and just as jumpy and playful but I could never catch him no matter how hard I twisted and turned and pounced on him.  

The Mrs tried to explain that it was my shadow and only showed up when the sun shone…. the opposite of the paw prints…. they only appear when I have wet feet and disappear very quickly when the sun shines.  They are also non-existent in wet weather, indistinguishable from the rest of the wetness. 

I got the picture in the end and now rely on the Mrs and the Boss to play with me.  I also love to be entertained by the miniatures, although the Mrs says time flies and they are growing fast and are not really miniature any more but they still love to play with me and are hugely entertaining.

Regarding wet paw prints the Mrs tried training me to wipe my feet on the mat but then when I found out I could swim the feet wiping went by the board as the whole wet body towelling came into being.  Despite me trying to help by holding the towel in my teeth this is apparently not helpful and the Boss usually has to intervene with stern warnings to sit still.  I love swimming and the vigorous towelling afterwards makes up for the fact that I actually have no imaginary friends ……… just lots of real ones.

 

JULY 2022

My first visit to the Village Store.  Another new experience but I had to wait outside as the Mrs said I would not be welcome inside.  I had a sudden dip in confidence and thought my popularity was waning……..why would I not be welcome but apparently this is The Rule.  Dogs are not allowed in shops unless you are special and although I am wearing my medallion I am apparently not special enough to be allowed in.

Rules are something I am gradually learning about at home.  One rule is I am not allowed on the furniture – this is apparently completely forbidden.  When I was small I used to sit on the Bosses lap every evening but now I am too big for that so I have to be content with sitting on his feet instead.  I did try sitting in his chair once when he had gone off to hit little white balls and left me behind but my devotion was not received well by the Mrs who was also left behind!  More recently the miniatures persuaded me onto the sofa with them but we got caught and not only did I get a telling off, so did the miniatures so everyone joined me in the dog house for a while.  Another rule is no bone chewing in the house.  I can’t understand why the Mrs dislikes my nice meaty, sinewy, succulent knuckle bones but she pulls a face every time I appear in the door way with one in my mouth only to be told to ‘take it outside’. 

The walking rule means no pulling on the lead when we go out.  I am not allowed to take the Mrs for a walk, only she is allowed to take me…...you get my drift?  The command ‘heel’ and the small tugs on my lead mean I have to walk sensibly next to her and not four feet in front.  I would like to stop at every small scent to add it to my repertoire and even leave a few of my own but the Mrs says I have no excuse for that behaviour, if I was a guide dog for a blind person they would not like to be constantly stopping or even bumping into posts because I could not control my nose or my bladder.  When I am off the lead it is a completely different story but that is for another day…..

It has been quite hard learning all these things but I am happy as the Boss and the Mrs seem happy with my progress meaning I get even more love and cuddles.  So getting back to the shop rule, I don’t mind not being special and having to sit outside as many people stop to reward me with a lovely pat and a chat…..some rules are easy to follow.

 

JUNE 2022

 

MAY 2022

They call me Medallion Man!  I have no idea what that means except I now wear this gold medallion and it is really annoying.  It bangs on my metal feeding bowl every time I dive into my food so the Mrs knows I am making a bit of a pig of myself by the rate of “dings” it makes against the side of the bowl….. can’t get away with anything now.  Apparently I must wear it because if I stray away from the curtilage of the dwelling (their words, not mine) whoever finds me can look at this medallion and contact the Boss and the Mrs and instruct them on how to find me, but let me tell you I have no intention of going anywhere too far from my food bowl and the cuddles I get here.

The medallion is attached to a collar which I must also wear from now on except, the Boss tells me, when I will be working with him on the shoot when it will be removed for safety reasons.  Apparently it is dangerous for a dog to wear a collar during this work as it can end up strangling me if it gets caught on something in the undergrowth.  Although this work will not be for some time as I am too young yet I was relieved that at least I will get some reprieve from this irritation.  I keep scratching at it but it refuses to come off and makes even more jingling noise so I put up with the collar and the medallion and might just produce a bit of a swagger to go with the image……I do have a very hairy chest.