MARCH 2024

On account of me being a good boy and not digging up the front lawn, telling the truth and not complaining about the Boss selling my transport wagon out from under me I have been given a new Teddy to accompany me in my games of throwing, chasing, jumping and shaking, which I know Teddy just loves.  He doesn’t say much but he also doesn’t run away when I pounce on him so I am fairly sure he enjoys it as much as I do. 

There is the slight mystery surrounding the whereabouts of old Teddy who, the Mrs commented on last sighting, resembled an old rag.  I fear I have detected a trail leading towards the dustbin but the Mrs acts very innocently when I look her in the eye so I will just have to swallow her story of him going to Teddy heaven and concentrate and my new buddy.

My new transport wagon is very different from my last and I fear I will have to be a little more careful with my hygiene and cleansing routines.  I can see a range of deodorant and toiletry products heading my way which is rather scary.  The Mrs has already tried to smother me in vehicle protective boot liners which I am not allowed to rearrange or disassemble.  Goodness knows how the Boss will fare with slinging his usual paraphernalia in the back with me.  I can almost hear the shrieking from here…. But as long as I have my mate Teddy with me I shall survive…..not sure about the Boss!

 

FEBRUARY 2024

I’ve been given the third degree…..the Mrs said…look into my eyes and tell me the truth:  Was it you? Have you been digging in the front lawn? Did you forget where you buried your bone? 

 Of course I answered NO to all of the above.  Firstly I am not allowed out onto the front lawn unaccompanied in case I see another K9 and rush out to play without permission.  Secondly, I certainly would not forget where I buried my bone!  I think the Mrs is projecting her bad memory onto me!  My nose tells me instantly where I last buried it and it was definitely not in the front lawn.  Besides which the holes are not big enough to hide one of my bones and I seem to remember the same thing happening on our neighbours lawn last year when I was looked at in a suspicious manner…..

 Luckily for me the Boss had his superior knowledge confirmed when the our kindly neighbour GR set up a wildlife camera to get shots of the culprit which turned out to be what the Boss said …. a visiting badger.  After I got blamed, the crows got it in the neck as the likely vandals but it was, as the Boss said all along, a badger looking for worms.

 The badgers are back again this year!  This time they have left our neighbours lawn untouched but have gone to town on ours instead.  The verges bordering the gardens down hill from us also have holes dug into them and the daffodils seem to be a bit flat in certain areas.   The worm eating Billy Badger has a lot to answer for, but for once I have been declared in the clear for this particuar misdemeanor and given a treat for telling the truth.

DECEMBER/JANUARY 2024

Happy New Year to you all.  I hope you had a drier Christmas than me?  It was very foggy and wet where I was for the holidays.  Not that it really worries me as I have a warm furry rain coat continually around me.  Sadly, although poor deflated Teddy has a fur coat, he has no insides and no raincoat so if left forgotten in the garden he often gets very soggy. That doesn’t stop me from bringing him inside to dry off – much to the Mrs irritation.  She is quite happy for me to play with him when he is dry but when wet she is not happy for him to accompany me indoors.  The Boss does not mind what state Teddy is in but then as the Mrs says he doesn’t do the housework.  It’s all very well having wet Teddy in the back of the Boss’s chariot but that is the only place that he is allowed “in doors” until he is dry – Teddy that is, not the Boss!.

 I had a very special second birthday during the festive season holiday away, when I inadvertently received two great gifts.  This came about because the Boss, being a dedicated carnivore, thought he had selected a haunch of venison for his Christmas dinner.  The Mrs defrosted and unpacked to prepare for the cooking and remarked how thoughtful the Boss had been in packing two legs together.   In an instant the Boss seemed to shrink and gulp and rushed to inspect the joint.  Aghast he deflated, realising his Christmas dinner would not turn out to be the magnificent feast he had hoped.  He had inadvertently picked up a package containing two front legs instead of one haunch which meant that the Boss and the Mrs just about managed to get a meagre scraping of meat on their plates for their Christmas dinner while I reveled in the fact that I would have a large bone for my Christmas dinner and also one for my Birthday celebrations!!..... 

 After a lecture from the Mrs regarding labeling and reading, the Boss apologised and commented that “at least the dog was happy and the Christmas pudding almost made up for it”.

 

November 2023

I may look a bit hangdog but I am relieved we can resume our normal walks and I am allowed to chew Teddy again.  We have spent the last few walks stopping at every sign post and tying signs to it, followed by untying them all again after the weekend.  All I want to do is have a good sniff and see if it is a suitable place to leave my leg lifting messages but the Mrs make me sit and wait till she has finished her mission. 

I had a bit of trouble last week when the Mrs found one of her paint brushes with a heavily chewed end.  Honestly I didn’t realise it was not for chewing, it being a a long stick with hair at one end, howeveer once found, I was in big trouble and Teddy was confiscated for a few days until I repented and helped her tie her art notices around the village.

At the weekend the house suddenly became very bare with all paintings removed.  I wondered if, in my shame, she had taken my portrait down as well but it was a relief to see it still hanging.  The miniatures came with many cakes and the Boss couldn’t believe his luck on viewing all the delicious confectionery delivered from many kind people.  I thought I might be in for a feast but unfortunately for me it was all, along with the paintings, transported to the Village Hall. I was a little peeved when the Boss explained to me, while dishing out my kibble, that the cakes had all been eaten and there was none left for me.  Had the Mrs suddenly ditched her diet and devoured the lot?  But no….it was explained to me that they were all sold for charity.  The paintings did return though, minus a few, and the house is now back to normal.  Walks have resumed on a normal basis and Teddy has been returned so I can relax with him and search out some hairless sticks to chew….

Ps: The Mrs wants me to pass on her thanks for the support she and her friend Pat received at their art sale and is very happy to report that over £600 was raised for Wellington & Dummer Riding for the Disabled Association where one of the Miniatures goes every Saturday morning.

 

OCTOBER 2023

Normally I enjoy a nice walk with the Mrs but one day last week it was totally spoiled as we had to keep stopping every few minutes so the Mrs could collect this bag full of items!  I admit there are a lot of peculiar smells and items along the edge of our route which I sometimes stop to investigate but usually ignore as they are of no interest to me:- seldom something edible, not the scent of another animal which always interests me, and usually pretty boring but the Mrs seems to have started taking an interest in collecting these random items whilst grumbling to herself about thoughtless people.

She sometimes carries a stick but on this day a thin blue job appeared with a wicked grabber on the end which I managed to avoid at all costs until I realised it was not meant for me….

When we walk along the road towards the fields I have to stop every time a car comes along behind us as there is no footpath to walk along safely.  Luckily the Mrs’ hearing has been heightened recently by some mechanical means that I don’t understand but she can hear every noise I make and luckily most cars coming up behind us, but I do worry about the scentless silent ones…..cars I mean.

 

September 2023

This is me in my private and personal transport carriage driven by my own private and personal chauffeur.   He us also known as the Boss but can occasionally be usurped by my chauffeuse,  also known as the Mrs.  

I have my own very soft bed in here, a water bowl and a bottle of water along with my own viewing windows on either side.  I must say, if pressed, that I would admit the more comfortable ride is when I  am driven around by the Boss, but I keep quiet about that on the grounds of keeping the peace....

I can jump in here easily at the flick of a wrist or the command 'get in'.  Jumping out causes some concerns especially if it's the Mrs who opens the tailgate as I  propel myself out of my carriage like a rocket as soon as the tail gate is lowered, sometimes even before it is completely lowered. Several times, in my excitement to get to my next adventure, I  have nearly flattened the Mrs as she hadn't quite completed the manoeuvre before I did my exocet impersonation.   This causes quite a stir and I reprimand myself, thinking I should be more restrained! The Mrs agrees with me as she rights herself and loops the lead around my neck giving it quite a sharp tug to remind me to curb my enthusiasm and behave....I am restrained and behave impeccably....until the next time!

 

August 2023

The Launch.....I like to make as big a splash as I can so I take a running jump and launch myself in as far out as possible to show off my dynamic entry into the water.  I have been instructed to fetch a stick that they wish me to retrieve, which the Boss or the Mrs plus any companions along for the show have kindly thrown into the water.  

The Mrs calls my launch a belly flop but I like to think of it as canine controlled lift off!

Once the splash has settled and my head is above the surface I set out doing doggie paddle with my paws splayed out making the most of the webbing between my toes to achieve a fast canine crawl. With the stick securely lodged between my teeth I return to the bank.  This is usually accompanied with a certain amount of snorting to clear the water from my nose and throat as I carry the stick in my mouth.  As I climb out onto the bank and offer the stick up for a repeat exercise my praise for the successful retrieval is tempered by screams of anguish as I blink the water from my eyes and remove the excess from my coat by executing a full body shake from my head to the tip of my tail.  Instead of admiring my swimming technique, stick retrieval and water ejection the miniatures scream and the adults run away. Honestly,  there is no pleasing some people!